Struggling with Letting Go

As I sit here this morning, trying not to worry about all of the unknowns I have yet to face.  I see this in the latest issue of Mysterious Ways Aug/Sept 2015 issue.

There are so many “things” that I want to hold onto right now, I feel like Gus in Disney’s Cinderella.  Remember that part where the cat is chasing him, and Gus has too many pieces of cheese he’s trying to carry in his little arms? Watch this video Cinderella Gus Gus at about 1:34 to see what I mean.

Transition is all about letting go.  Sometimes (Who am I kidding? always) it’s difficult, for me.  I find it intriguing that this magazine sent to me by my mother-in-law (Not chosen by me or even asked for, she has no idea what I am going through right now.) is inspiring and encouraging me with what I am struggling with at the moment, letting go.  Apparently, if I just let go, these coming transitions will make me stronger.  I know this to be true, but that doesn’t take away the ‘scary’ feeling.  I dislike the in-between part.

Let me explain what I think is the in-between part.  I recently went to a water park.  I predetermined that I would NOT ride any of the rides as it would be too scary for me.   However, as I sat there baking in the sun and listening to all the screams of others having fun, I really wanted to try a ride.  I went on the one I thought was easiest.  On the Body Slide, an open tube you lay on, arms and legs crossed and slide down.  After 20 minutes of fretting, I discovered I was somehow standing in the wrong line!  I had to go down the enclosed body slide. I am terrified of enclosed places!  But, I’d already spent 20 minutes worrying so much I was visibly shaking (surprisingly no one else noticed this) there was no way I was getting out of line and back into the other line to continue shaking! So I went for it.  I was terrified!  When I got in the tube and started my descent, I had so much adrenaline but I was trying to not scream.  I felt like I was going to pass out from the rush; I had to scream.  I screamed long and loud.  Emerging from the tube felt like I a rebirth for me.  I realized that I  actually had fun! Of course I went again!

So the in between part is the worry and shaking.  It’s so difficult to sit with and tolerate and not act out in some self-destructive way.  I wish I would not fight life sometimes, but I just do.  I need to accept that about me. I obviously need more practice with letting go. I know if I embrace the changes, it will be okay.  What changes will you embrace today?


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