Can I just be honest? I’ve been struggling with TRUST in my higher power, whether that be God or nature or the Universe, I don’t know. (My mother sort of ruined God for me when she taught me he was this mean and vengeful being that was out to get me. He was all seeing and knowing, and on the look out for my every mistake or wrong doing. Then busily punishing me for them.)
But this is not what my story is about…or is it?
Last year I was laid off and this summer all I wanted was my job back. Then by some miracle I got the call! Amazing I was back. Hugs and high fives all around!
Happily I worked, for 5 weeks. Then the numbers came in and it wasn’t good. 4 people had to be let go. Of course, I was one of them. I got the word on a Friday–the following Wednesday would be my last day. I sat numbly through the process. I told my friend only a miracle would ever save me. I was GONE. I packed up my things.
I only allowed the freak out me to have one day and then I shook my freak out self and told them to stop it and forced myself to keep moving forward. I stayed focused on my goal. I stayed positive that it would be okay. I struggled to TRUST, that there was a plan, even if I didn’t know it, there was a PLAN. BUT, BUT…This horrible ordeal was part of the plan. Why? I didn’t know.
However, I stayed focused on my goal. I was determined to finish on a positive note. I kept yelling, when asked why I was leaving (Cause everyone was told! it was a lot of people folks!) “I’M NOT LEAVING!”, but rather was being traded to another team, you know like a Pro Ball player. Happens all the time, I said. “Everything will be alright.” Even though there was that small part of me kicking and screaming and yelling, it will not be okay–there is NO way that this will be okay! Nope I said, it WILL be okay, you are wrong small freaking out part of me that I wish would SHUT UP already!
Here comes the MIRACLE.
The following Tuesday I was reinstated. Apparently, someone made a small math error and the body count to lose was only 2.
So now when I fret or worry or tell myself that this job is too stressful or too hard or think that maybe I’m not smart enough to do it. I know those are lies, because why would He or the Universe or my higher power put me where I don’t belong?
And why did it all happen? Well it’s completely obvious isn’t it? To show me, to convince me, that I can TRUST that everything will be okay. Furthermore, I don’t have control over anything – especially THE PLAN. Also, maybe mom was wrong. God isn’t who she said he was after all. I wonder, is he actually watching out for me? Using me and his ability to know all and see all to put me where I can best be of service and share what I know with those who need it the most.
I hope you realize too that there is a plan for you and your life and if you stay on the path, his path you will find peace.