Suppressing the Troll

So the other day I learned something new about myself.  I was famished, it was past the noon hour and breakfast had been scant.

A sleepover had occurred and the boys were starving.  Or so I told myself.  What was really happening?  They were sitting on the couch, brains plugged into devices. No one was actively begging for food.  They weren’t starving.

If you listen to that voice inside your head, you’ll start to understand your (inner TROLL, in my case) reactions to certain situations on a deeper level.  That little voice propels our lives.  I’ve not always known I had an inner dialogue until recently.  What I used to believe was it was me telling myself stories.  In many instances, horrible stories–that I BELIEVED!  Shocking, I know.

Let me digress. I was the one starving. I was the one needing food immediately.  But what my mind was telling me was that the children were starving and I needed, no I HAD TO make them food immediatelyNot something easy and quick to prepare, no. It must be the whole breakfast deal–even though it was lunch time.  Wouldn’t want to disappoint them by not preparing breakfast.

No.” I told that voice.  “What would happen if I didn’t immediately cook for those children.  What would happen if I sat down and fed myself?  What would the boys do?”

Well I don’t know.” said the voice.

“I’m eatin’,” I told my inner voice, “cause I’m the one starving, not the other way around.”

Lately, I’ve been listening carefully to and questioning my inner voice a lot.

While I was eating, I told myself breakfast–which was really lunch–didn’t have to be complicated.  Why not just make Mac-n-Cheese? Boys love it and it’s easy.

Yeah, I was a hero!  “It was the best!” they said.

Turns out I am the one setting up grandiose expectations for myself.  My family will still love me, even if I don’t make an elaborate breakfast.  Turns out they will love me more, because feeding myself and not expecting myself to make a difficult meal diminishes the inner troll completely.  Yeah, I was able to not screech and yell about them being lazy and not appreciative for all my labor–when they never asked me to do that in the first place…meanwhile I’m starving.

Go ahead, I dare you, listen to and challenge that voice.  What will you discover about your inner TROLL?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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