Very spunky and outspoken. Most adults would say she is disrespectful and her behavior and responses are disrespectful. However, an adult must question themselves as to why she has become so defensive. Her behavior to is a defense mechanism.
Yesterday I finally told her that she has bad behavior. It’s not who she is that is bad, but her behavior. One cannot change who they are but they can change and modify that behavior.
The conversation went like this: (and I don’t generally have this telling talks within ear shot of other students) You have disrespectful behavior and you should apologize to INSERT ADULT NAME for your behavior. I script it for them because they cannot do this themselves yet. “ INSERT ADULT NAME I apologize for being disrespectful to you. I promise to try to change my behavior, because inside I am really a good person” She almost cried.
I think she’s a comedian. That’s how she acts, always a quick smart come back. Very on the defensive and prickly, like if you say anything she’s a blow fish and her spines stick out immediately. People don’t just get like this automatically, she’s been trained to respond by being attacked over and over.
He was trying to explain his problems that he redid to me and the class as a whole was being loud and disruptive and he couldn’t stand it anymore. So he said, “I’m going to shoot everyone!” This almost made me cry and I told him that he shouldn’t say things like that because I lost someone close to me last October and that’s how they did it. He said he was sorry and that he understood because he recently lost his uncle who was in prison for selling and possession of Heroine. “I am very sorry for your loss. You should understand then why not to say that every.”
He’s been a changed person from this conversation. He came in the next day and asked to sit alone so that he could focus and get his work done. He sticks up for me now when someone is acting up.
It’s difficult to work with this age because they are at school for each other. Adults at this age they have learned are mostly stupid or crazy. Some of them you have to fear and most of them just want to belittle or embarrass you. None of them like you.
It’s this image that I work to turn around. I understand your bad behavior. It’s been created by the adults in your life who treat you like “kids” and don’t understand you have feelings, ideas, aspirations.
This gets mixed up with my Dad who was raised very harshly, not held as a baby, bottle fed, beat, tied up in the back yard, starved, forced to wear clothes that were too big, left alone to cry. He was very sensitive and probably on the autistic spectrum (highly intelligent) but greatly abused.
We all start from somewhere and that’s the core of who we are. Then it’s built on by our experiences and situations. We learn to cope from our parents or if they are absent from ourselves. Children sometimes have coping mechanisms that work when they are small but when they grow up they stop working. You have to re-figure everything out and if you don’t have someone who understands how to figure it out you will get stuck in the most self destructive loops. That’s how I see my Dad. He got stuck in a loop and couldn’t get out.
In the end, he ended it violently, because he knew no other way. This is what his father did and so he did too.
I’m not sure what the lesson is here except that children are people too, they think and feel and act just like adults but they have no control over the choices being made for them or the people ruling over them.